Growing up I knew one Black kid. His name was Langston. We weren't really friends, but we played on the playground occasionally.
It never occurred to me to invite him to my house to play. He was Black. He was nice, but he was Black.
I didn't know any other Black people – kids or adults – so in my mind he was automatically an "other".
In middle and high school I had the occasional Black acquaintance, classmate, or teammate. But again, I never pursued deeper relationships.
In college I had some Black teammates and drinking buddies. My relationships with them were deeper and more genuine, but I was acutely aware that they were "different".
I share all this because most White people grew up in similar homogenous communities, with little to no interaction with Black people.
Then, as adults we enter the workforce and bring our limited interactions and narrow perspectives to our relationships with our colleagues.
Our homogenous childhood networks remain homogenous adult networks.
They shape where we work, who we hire, who we promote, who we give stretch assignments to, who we sit with at lunch.
Unconscious bias training will not change this dynamic.
Either will being nice.
Intentionally expanding your network will.
Becoming self-aware will.
Not being fragile will.