"To regret one's own experiences is to arrest one's own development. To deny one's own experience is to put a lie into the lips of one's own life. It is no less than a denial of the soul."
– Oscar Wilde
When I was fifteen my dad called and told me his partner died of AIDS. I wasn't really listening because I was watching Family Ties.
I don't regret it. I now practice empathy regularly.
My senior year in high school, I had a "job" stealing quarters out of newspaper racks. I justified it because I made more money in one night than in two weeks making soup at Souplantation. And the newspaper guy was an asshole.
I don't regret it. I now value integrity and respect.
My freshman year in college, I told a class full of Asian American women I thought Filipino women were hot. I was thinking of the one Asian person I knew from high school who I had a crush on. I figured it was a compliment.
I don't regret it. It's a vivid reminder to continually increase my cultural competence, that my norm is not the norm.
These are just a few examples of embarrassing, shameful incidents in my life. Experiences that I could have regretted.
But instead of regret, I use them as learning experiences.
They fuel my soul.
All these years later.
I think Oscar would approve.