"Transformative justice is relational, it happens at the scale of community. Call outs now often happen at the scale of viral threads amongst strangers."
– adrienne maree brown
I never call out an individual person online.
No matter how much harm they've done. No matter how powerful they are. No matter how much I (and others) may think they deserve it.
Publicly calling out an individual isn't justice. It is not transformative. It drives no impact. It affects no change.
It deepens division and hatred. It breeds more contempt and resentment. It fosters no conversation or constructive dialogue.
To be clear, not calling out individuals is not the same as not being invested in holding individuals accountable for their actions and words.
But calling out often feels like a desperate plea of righteousness with an aim to shame and vilify an individual because they have shamed and vilified other people.
And the cycle of shame and vilification continues.
The division continues. The hatred continues. The contempt and resentment continue.
The solutions are punitive, rash, and reactive.
The conversations and dialogue never begin.
The disruption doesn't actually happen. The systems are not dismantled.
The rancor and malice and bitterness win out. And the status quo remains.
A More Skillful Way of Being
"As we become more familiar with meditation, we can drop into a less triggered, less reactive, more skillful way of being whenever we are upset."
– Lama Palden Drolma
Doing social justice work is tough. The very nature of social justice work is confrontational because it only exists because there is so much social injustice.
The work can be exhausting at times. It can be frustrating at times. It can feel at times that we are not making any progress, that no one is listening, that no one cares.
And because anyone who is genuinely, consistently fighting for social justice is doing so for deeply personal reasons, when we don't see the change we are trying to affect, that can be triggering.
For me, whenever someone speaks derogatorily about gay people, passes anti-gay legislation, fails to see the humanity in gay people, I think of my dad.
I think of his two suicide attempts as a teenager. I think of him feeling the need to marry a woman. I think of the courage he finally found to be who he was. I think of the stigma of AIDS. I think of the anti-gay political rhetoric. I think of him dying of AIDS. I think of the relationship we have not had since his death in 2000.
But it doesn't get me down. I have found a more skillful way of being when I get upset.
Which allows me to keep doing the work.
Some Basic Tenets of Mindfulness
“We don’t sit in meditation to become good meditators. We sit in meditation so that we’ll be more awake in our lives.”
– Pema Chödrön
Passion is not the same as purpose.
Reacting is not the same as responding.
Judgment is not the same as discernment.
Being attached to outcomes is not the same as being invested in outcomes.
I suspect a lot of people doing social justice work burn out, are ineffective, and make less-than-ideal impact because they ignore or dismiss some of these basic tenets of mindfulness.
Mindfulness practice helps us be more self-aware so we can be more aware of what's going on around us so we can see things more clearly so we can make the best decisions to help advance social justice.
Mindfulness is a lifelong practice. Fighting for social justice is a lifelong commitment.
When we we are consistently mindful and constantly seeing the world through a social justice lens, we can more skillfully challenge misleading and false narratives, more easily disrupt practices and policies that cause harm, and more consistently dismantle racist systems of oppression.
But we will not get the results we want if we if let our passion get in the way of our purpose, if we are constantly in reaction mode, if we are full of judgment, and if we are attached to specific outcomes.
Fighting the White Supremacy Pandemic Requires All of Us
"[White] supremacy is our ongoing pandemic. It partners with every other sickness to tear us from life, or from lives worth living."
– adrienne maree brown
Sometimes in all the rhetoric and social media bullying and political righteousness and psychological aggression and intellectual pandering and shaming and canceling and echo chambering and unwillingness to listen and inability to compromise we lose sight of the truly negative consequences White supremacy has on humanity.
In our push to be right or to align with this theory or oppose that one or support this cause or trash that one we fail to recognize that real live human beings are bandied about as if they were collateral damage.
We must build into our commitment, our intentionality, our drive, our purpose a clear focus on recognizing and uplifting the humanity of the people who are treated as less than fully human.
White supremacy is indeed an ongoing pandemic. A pandemic that we can see and hear and feel all around us if we are willing to see it and hear it and feel it.
But unlike the Covid pandemic, there is no mask we can wear to protect us from White supremacy's tentacle-like reach. No shot we can inject into our arms that can stop the spread of the disease.
Fighting the White supremacy pandemic is a different battle. One that requires all of us.
Uncritical Racist Theory
Have you heard of this new academic theory that's gaining momentum? It's called Uncritical Racist Theory. I'm still learning about it, but, as far as I can discern, here are some of the main tenants:
The United States is not systemically racist, nor is it White supremacist.
White people may have done some racist things in the past, but now everything's good.
Talking about race and racism is divisive and is in fact racist.
White people are the true victims.
All Black people hate all White people.
White children are in extreme danger of being indoctrinated by the extreme ideologies of equity and justice.
White people are nice, hard-working, and patriotic so they can't be racist.
Some Black people are nice, hard-working, and patriotic, but too many are not, and so they deserve what they get.
We had a Black president.
Oprah is rich. So is LeBron.
Tim Scott is Black and he said there's no systemic racism, so it must be true.
Intergenerational trauma for Black people and intergenerational wealth for White people are irrelevant to the state of affairs today.
Racial bias doesn't exist, which of course means that it's not baked into our systems and institutions, laws, culture, policies, ethos, and everyday habits.
Racism would go away if we just stopped talking about racism.
The Difference Between Judgment and Discernment
"An important distinction mindfulness asks us to make is between automatic judgment and the more considered, deliberate evaluation that we might describe as discernment."
– Rhonda Magee
Judgment: You're a White supremacist, racist as*hole who doesn't give a sh*t about the lived realities and experiences of Black people and other people of color.
Discernment: When we're willing to look, we see clearly that the concept of race was created to intentionally uphold a system in which the people newly deemed "White" were supreme.
Furthermore, we can discern that hundreds of years later the scientifically invalid concept of race is still aggressively being propagated to discriminate, marginalize, and oppress those deemed to be "not White" so that those deemed "White" can maintain supremacy.
We can also discern that too many people deemed White are unaware of how their White privilege affords them access to opportunities, resources, and more privileges.
We can discern, too, that too many people deemed White will do all they can to ignore, dismiss, downplay, and resist any implications that the system set up to sustain their supremacy has afforded them aforementioned privileges.
Ultimately, we can discern that none of this is necessarily a judgment of any individual White person, but simply a discernment to speak the truth.
Not Enough Time Reckoning with History
"So many [White] people last year took George Floyd as an episode, as a moment to get exercised about, and didn't spend enough time reckoning with the fact that this has a long history in the U.S."
– Hakeem Jefferson
"George Floyd's murder was horrible and I have deep sympathy for Black people."
But I'm not going to lower the bar and hire people just because they're Black.
"George Floyd's murder was horrible and I have deep sympathy for Black people."
But Derek Chauvin got convicted, so now things are good.
"George Floyd's murder was horrible and I have deep sympathy for Black people."
But don't think I'm going to let my kids play with Black kids!
"George Floyd's murder was horrible and I have deep sympathy for Black people."
But there's not really much I can do about it.
"George Floyd's murder was horrible and I have deep sympathy for Black people."
But it makes me feel too uncomfortable to talk about all this racism stuff all the time.
"George Floyd's murder was horrible and I have deep sympathy for Black people."
But that was over a year ago now, so why are people still carrying on about it?
"George Floyd's murder was horrible and I have deep sympathy for Black people."
But I can't talk right now, I'm late for drinks with Muffy and Chip.
Bearing Witness to the Suffering of Others
"How can I be a more effective witness to the hidden or under-acknowledged suffering of others?"
– Rhonda Magee
Most White people hang out with other White people – almost exclusively.
Most White people don't build genuine relationships with people of color. Most White people are not interested in the lived experiences of people "not like them."
Most White people interact with people of color only occasionally – and only superficially: restaurant servers, grocery clerks, etc.
Because of this segregated existence, most White people have no clue what the everyday reality is like for people of color.
But that doesn't stop most White people from providing analysis, advice, criticism, and all kinds of unsolicited, inaccurate, racist, and harmful commentary on how people of color should behave, talk, think, and generally live their lives.
Because most White people have shown time and time again that they have little genuine interest in the humanity of people of color, they are unable to understand, let alone empathize with, the suffering that people of color endure in the White supremacist system we all live in.
White people's lack of proximity to people of color makes bearing witness to their suffering essentially impossible.
And their privilege allows them to choose not to care.
A Big Difference Between Investment and Attachment
I'm almost finished with Ruth King's fabulous book Mindful of Race.
She clearly makes the connection between racial justice and mindfulness – an interconnectedness I wholeheartedly support.
Many great perspectives in the book; here's one:
When fighting for racial justice, there's a big difference between invested in outcomes and being attached to outcomes we're striving for.
Non-attachment is a fundamental pillar of mindfulness. I suspect if more people understood and applied this, their racial justice work would be more purposeful and impactful.
We do racial justice work because we live in a world of racial injustice – built on a foundation of systemic racism and White supremacy.
This reality makes us feel indignant, angry, overwhelmed, traumatized, and much else.
In the context of perpetual White supremacy, these feelings are natural and unavoidable. And they motivate us to drive change.
We envision a different, better, more equitable world, and we are invested in making that world a reality.
But when we get attached to that better world, our negative emotions are exacerbated when what we envision doesn't happen as quickly or ideally as we would like.
Then the cycle of rage continues, further distorting our ability to to drive impact and affect change.
Books I've Read Recently
On May 15, I completed one year of not buying a book as I made it through my to-be-read shelf. There were plenty of books waiting in the queue.
Here's what I've read in the last six weeks. And, yes, I recommend them all.
You Are Your Best Thing: Vulnerability, Shame Resilience, and the Black Experience – Tarana Burke and Brené Brown (editors)
Strength of Soul – Naomi Raquel Enright
Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man – Emmanuel Acho
Real Change: Mindfulness to Heal Ourselves and the World – Sharon Salzberg
Mediocre: The Dangerous Legacy of White Male America – Ijeoma Oluo
Cats of the Dawn: A Village Life and Beyond in a Sub-Saharan African Country – Ngonlardje K. Mbaidjol
What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Blacker: A Memoir in Essays – Damon Young
My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies – Resmaa Menakem
Home Body – Rupi Kaur
The Color Purple – Alice Walker
The Bluest Eye – Toni Morrison
We Will Not Cancel Us: And Other Dreams of Transformative Justice – Adrienne Maree Brown
Juliet Takes a Breath – Gabby Rivera
Hood Feminism: Notes from the Women That a Movement Forgot – Mikki Kendall
The Buddhist on Death Row: How One Man Found Light in the Darkest Place – David Sheff
Mindful of Race: Transforming Racism from the Inside Out – Ruth King
Sometimes "Fuck You!" Is the Most Appropriate Response
Jarvis Jay Masters has been a prisoner on Death Row in San Quentin since the mid-80s.
During that time he was introduced to Buddhism and mindfulness. His practice fundamentally changed how he saw himself, his situation, and his relationships with prisoners, guards, and others.
Through work with Buddhist teachers and guides – including Pema Chödrön – he cultivated the traits of equanimity, compassion, and self-awareness.
He also became a prolific writer. Some of his writings were published in Buddhist magazines and anthologies. And he has written his own books.
His reputation as a Buddhist on Death Row inspired people all over the world to understand that even in our darkest situations, light is available to us – if we are willing to see it.
In 2011, Jarvis's case was up for appeal. There was hope that he would be released. His appeal was denied. He was broken and despondent for weeks.
A visiting monk commented that his reaction "wasn't very Buddhist."
Jarvis's response? "Fuck you!"
I practice mindfulness so I can be more consistently equanimous, present, kind, and compassionate.
So I am prepared to deal with whatever comes my way.
So I can interact with anyone and in any situation with calmness and understanding.
And sometimes "Fuck you!" is the most appropriate response.
Why I Practice Mindfulness
I practice mindfulness so I can be present to address the ongoing fucked up shit going on in the world.
I practice mindfulness because I have twins who will be thirteen soon, and, because, well, teenagers. . .
I practice mindfulness because people are relying on me to hold space so they can share their concerns and hopes and challenges safely and comfortably.
I practice mindfulness because I know that when I go down a devolving path of cognitive squalor I don't help myself or anyone else.
I practice mindfulness because when I am in a state of equanimity I am able to make the best decisions.
I practice mindfulness because I need to be able to counter White supremacy and systemic racism and institutionalized bias and extremist laws and policies and beliefs.
I practice mindfulness because there is nothing more luxurious than the calm tranquility of my breath going in and out of my body.
I practice mindfulness so I can have freedom from choice, so that I can remain detached from my feelings, emotions, and desires.
I practice mindfulness so I can respond instead of react, so I can be discerning, so I can make wise choices, so I can drive impact and affect change.
I practice mindfulness so I can build trust and connection, and experience the vast dynamism of the human condition.
Why Are We Doing This Work in the First Place?
Mindfulness is woefully under-appreciated in social justice work.
Far too often I see people lose the plot fighting for something they believe in.
They confuse passion with purpose. They focus on short term goals at the expense of long term vision. They attack and scold and throw bombs without considering the effectiveness of those approaches.
Not enough people are able or willing to get in touch with why they care about the things they are yelling and screaming that they care about.
I get it. Social justice work is exhausting. It can be rewarding one moment and demoralizing the next. It is full of variables and uncertainties and ambiguities that are beyond our control.
Inherent in the need for social justice work to exist is the fact that there are people and organizations and systems and institutions and laws and policies that are socially unjust. That were intentionally designed to be unjust.
A lot of power and privilege and social capital and influence for a lot of people depends on their continual social unjustness.
Fighting for social justice can be slow-going, frustrating, maddening. It takes resiliency and perseverance to stay the course. To not get distracted.
We must remember why we're doing it in the first place.
Mindfulness practice helps us do that.
The Book is 100% Edited
My book, A White Guy Confronting Racism: An Invitation to Reflect and Act, is now officially 100% edited.
Two months of thought partnership with my fabulous editor Richard Tardif.
Every Friday morning. Smoothing out the flow, wordsmithing, correcting errors, eliminating words and sentences and paragraphs and sometimes entire vignettes. Re-ordering things, establishing a consistent tone throughout, being more concise, more clear, more compelling.
Lots of stories and reflections and perspectives for folks to mull over, adopt, implement, run with.
Dialed in the reference section, acknowledgments, table of contents, author bio, the afterword.
And, got a kick-ass foreword from Madison Butler 🏳️🌈🦄. Powerful point of view, vulnerable, challenging people to step up, aligned with everything I'm saying throughout the book, perfect way to kick it off.
Now the book is off to the proofreader.
Meanwhile, I start working on the exterior and interior design. The front cover, the back cover, the back cover blurb, the font, the book size – imagining what it will look like on the shelves.
Excited to be a first time author. Sharing my wisdom with the world. Influencing people. Inviting people to do better. Challenging people to be better.
Disrupting the status quo.
Stay tuned for more coming soon.
The World Is Waiting for You to Read
I challenge each person reading this post to read at least ten books this summer. For some, that's a piece of cake. For others, a huge commitment.
But not just any books. Read books that intentionally expand your understanding of people "not like you."
If you're White, read five books written by and about Black people.
If you're straight, read five books written by and about gay, lesbian, or bi people.
If your cisgender, read five books written by and about trans or gender nonconforming people.
Read nonfiction, fiction, history, memoir, poetry. Read whatever you want. Just challenge yourself to read beyond what you typically read.
I believe that if more people read books, the world would be a more inclusive place. And if more people read books that stretched their comfortable world view, imagine that world.
To be clear, reading books alone doesn't end racism. Doesn't stop injustice. Doesn't create equity. To think otherwise is shortsighted, naive, and dangerous.
But the ideas and frameworks and stories and philosophies and experiences that books expose us to can and do fundamentally shift our thinking, shape our personal narrative, and inspire us to take action.
So, get to it. The world is waiting for you to read so you can drive impact and affect change.
Why I Fight for Social Justice
I suspect the reason most people who can't or won't commit to fighting for social justice is because they can't or won't identify why they should fight for social justice.
They're too focused on what they should do.
Then, when they can't figure out what they should do – when they come to understand that there are no definitive answers; when they can't handle the ongoing uncertainty and ambiguity and complexity of what they should do – they decide it's all just too difficult, they peace out of the conversation, and fall back on the serenity and ease that their privilege affords them.
But if they did a little more work to tap into something personal to them, perhaps they would find a deeper motivation, a greater inspiration, a more meaningful purpose and drive.
Perhaps if they could connect themselves to the wider collective social injustice, they would be more connected to fighting for change.
What I do to fight social injustice is write and coach and facilitate and train.
Why I fight social injustice is because my dad attempted suicide twice as a teenager because he was gay, married a woman, had a son, came out as gay, contracted HIV, and died of AIDS at the age of 51.
Why I do my work is to see the humanity in every single person. Including myself.
Why do you do the work?
Helping Drive the Change That is Desperately Needed
"We have to have a low bar for entry and a high standard for conduct."
– Maurice Moe Mitchell
White people, you can and should get involved in social justice and racial equity work. You are welcome, needed, and appreciated.
But you can't be a dick. You can't center yourself. You can't act like you know what you don't know. You can't speak for other people – especially people of color. You can't take over conversations, hijack narratives, and usurp leadership roles from people who are closest to the pain.
We need you to be involved. And you must be grounded in curiosity, empathy, compassion, and an ability to grow. You must be willing to dismantle harmful belief systems, habits, and ways of navigating the world.
You must be humble, vulnerable, and teachable. You must be eager and enthusiastic about learning on your own time – relieving the burden of education from those who are most marginalized.
You must commit for the long haul, act with urgency, reflect regularly, and continually be evolving your consciousness.
You don't have to be perfect. You are allowed to make mistakes. And, you have to hold yourself accountable for your words, thoughts, and behaviors.
I am confident that you can accept the challenge, step up, and help drive the change that is desperately needed.
Follow the Lead of the People Closest to the Pain
"Follow the lead of the people closest to the pain."
– Autymn Harris
As a White person, I do not have the lived experience of Black people and other people of color.
I do not have the direct experience of being on the receiving end of racism, discrimination, prejudice, and bias that Black people and other people of color have based on the color of their skin.
My perspective on racism is inherently different than the perspective of a Black person or other person of color.
My approach to confronting racism must center the perspectives, experiences, and aspirations of Black people and other people of color.
To do that with integrity, impact, and influence means that I must listen to, understand, and believe the perspectives, experiences, and aspirations of Black people and other people of color.
As White people, we must build genuine relationships with the people closest to the pain. When we don't follow the lead of the people closest to the pain, we end up engaging in all kinds of ineffective and harmful behaviors.
We show up as saviors or performative allies. We make errors of emphasis. We hijack narratives. We misrepresent facts and situations and contexts – and reality.
When we don't follow the lead of the people closest to the pain, we unwittingly perpetuate the pain.
A Deep Commitment to Change and Growth
"It takes a deep commitment to change and an even deeper commitment to grow."
– Ralph Ellison
You won't change because you're afraid of what the new you might be.
You won't grow because you're comfortable with your current self.
You won't change because you may lose some privilege.
You won't grow you're attached to that privilege and all it affords you.
You won't change because that would require too much empathy.
You won't grow because you can't imagine treating everyone with compassion.
You won't change because you don't see the need.
You won't grow because you don't see the possibilities.
You won't change because because you are inflexible, stubborn, and proud.
You won't grow because that would require too much vulnerability.
You won't change because you enjoy your power with the way things are.
You won't grow because that would mean sharing some of that power.
You won't change because you have a scarcity mindset.
You won't grow because you can't envision living with an abundance mindset.
You won't change because that would upset that natural order of things.
You won't grow because that would disrupt the status quo.
You won't change because you're not committed to change.
You won't grow because you're not committed to growth.
Does Every Single Person Feel Safe to Be Who They Are?
Leaders declaring that their organization is a safe space does not make their organization a safe space.
If even one person in the organization doesn't feel safe enough to speak up and say that they don't feel safe then it is not a safe space.
Intentions to create safe spaces where all employees – regardless of their race, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, and any and all dimensions of diversity – can be seen, heard, valued, believed, may be true and genuine, but it's lazy and shortsighted for leaders to think that they can declare it into being.
Does every single person feel safe to be who they are without ridicule, censure, or discrimination? Does every single person feel safe to challenge authority, to share new ideas, to express their emotions?
Or do people feel the need to cover parts of who they are to "fit in" – repressing their true, expansive, dynamic identity?
Leaders, unless you've taken the time to talk with every single person, you don't know the answer to these questions.
So instead of declaring your organization a safe space, I challenge you to start doing the the work of making your organization a safe space.
This takes commitment, humility, vulnerability, and relationship building. And more time than sending a few emails.
Are you up for that?