Some criticism I receive on social media just doesn't resonate with me.
It just doesn't land well. My mind just doesn't consider what's being offered.
My gut response is more "screw you" than "thank you for teaching me."
Why is that? I've been thinking about it. I think I have a framework that captures it pretty well.
Actually, it's not my framework. It's Kim Scott's framework. She wrote a book called Radical Candor.
Radical candor has two elements:
1. Challenge directly.
2. Care personally.
If only one of those is present it's not radical candor.
If you ONLY care personally than you're not having the conversations you need to be having.
And if you ONLY challenge directly than you might just be a d*ck.
Which takes me back to why some criticism doesn't resonate with me.
Because it's not really criticism. It's intimidation or bullying or gatekeeping or baiting or harassing—all offered as "feedback."
But there's no relationship. There's no bridge-building, no attempt to connect, no trust, no love, no compassion.
No caring.
There's a lot of not knowing me, a lot of reductionism, a lot of single storytelling, a lot of disrespect, a lot of demands.
A lot of challenging directly. But very little caring personally.
Candid perhaps. But definitely not radical.
And definitely not effective.