I'd like to invite you to try an approach to your discussions that I use as consistently as possible.
Whenever someone shares something you disagree with, instead of counter-arguing immediately, say: "Tell me more. . ."
"Tell me more about why you think. . ."
"Tell me more about where you learned. . ."
"Tell me more about how you concluded that. . ."
I use this approach even when what the other person has shared was intentionally meant to be challenging, aggressive, or provocative.
Asking them to tell me more gives them the opportunity to expand on their initial statement, and for me to more fully understand where they're coming from.
Asking them to tell me more shows that I will not be drawn into incivility.
Asking them to tell me more provides them with the opportunity to choose how, or if, to proceed with their argument.
If they respond, asking them to tell me more helps me understand how I might best respond, or if I should even respond at all.
I have found this approach usually (but not always) to be disarming. It shows humility, equanimity, curiosity, and patience. It's not what people expect.
It may be easier to argue with people using "facts" and "data" and yelling and name calling.
But is it more effective?