As I reflect on recent conversations I've had that didn't go as well as I would have liked, I'm reminded of insights I've learned from my friend David Lever at Bi-Jingo.
1. Always assume good intentions.
2. Always assume future capability.
When we get caught up in a duel-like interaction that centers rightness and wrongness at the expense of mutual understanding and points of agreement we limit the possibility of learning from the other person.
When we try to "win" the dialogue (sounds silly saying it that way, doesn't it?) we severely curtail any future productive dialogue that may result in deeper understanding, growth, and respect for the other person's viewpoint.
When we don't approach a difficult conversation with empathy, curiosity, and equanimity, we don't create the space for the connection that may be lying just under the surface waiting to be discovered.
I've found this approach works well in any conversation:
personal or professional
formal or informal
serious or casual
written or verbal
virtual or in person
Often, it is our own discomfort, insecurity, uncertainty, and/or fear that prevents us from assuming good intentions and future capability in the other person.
Try this approach in your next conversation, and let me know how it goes.